There’s a shortage of male porn stars — this is what it takes to sign up

Would you have what it takes to sign up? (Picture: Getty Images)

I don’t do hardcore porn. Nothing against it and never say never, but currently I’m too busy playing a disappointed headmistress to bother to diversify.

However, lots of my friends do make their living indulging in sex on camera, and they moan constantly about the colossal shortage of men.

What? A lack of chaps keen to have energetic, creative sex with some of the most beautiful, adventurous women in the world, and be paid for it, I hear you cry! Surely not? But yes, truly.

Though you might read about queues of men willing to take part in Bonnie Blue’s stunts, it’s a massive problem elsewhere.

Porn producers regularly hold auditions for new male performers, which they advertise on X. Auditions that consist of their turning up and having sex with the women of their dreams. But generally, no one shows.

The reason why is somewhat of a mystery – it’s been a regular moan for the last decade. We hear a good deal of bravado from men on social media until it’s actually time to show up and sign release forms.

Maybe men feel their identity and self-esteem is more closely tied to their sexual performance than women. Maybe porn being blamed for every societal ill is also a factor. We know young people are becoming increasingly puritanical and having less sex than previous generations.

There is simply a drought among young men wanting to enter this industry. But, I guess it’s a particular skill to climax to order before a roomful of strangers.

Melissa explains what it really takes to be a male performer (Picture: NATASHA PSZENICKI)

On the rare occasions a brave guy creeps through the door, it may dismay you to know there’s very little vetting process. Then, even if he gets undressed, his path to pleasure is oft thwarted by his own treacherous physique.

Surrounded by actors, camera crew, producer, wardrobe, make up artist, and a (usually female) director barking, ‘Now get an erection!’ he’ll often find himself incapable and humiliated.

And, if he manages to pass that test, he’ll find himself expected to orgasm to order, at the time and place of the director’s choosing, at which juncture he will generally run away screaming. 

Occasionally we can substitute other substances for the organic spark – icing sugar, or Calpol, are industry standard back ups – just take care not to buy the pink-tinged strawberry version – but the real thing involves a lot less editing.

Girls have it way easier. We can so easily fake every stage of arousal. A good squirt of lube, a healthy dose of panting, sighing, noisy screaming. But you probably don’t need me to tell you that.

Also, we can wear corsets to hide our bellies, stockings to disguise lumpy thighs – men have no such tricks to hide behind.

A Japanese porn actor claimed recently there are around 70 men to 10,000 women in his industry. He’s had sex with 8,000 of them, usually 2-3 a day, so heaven knows he’s doing his bit, but he can’t keep it up forever.

Men who can perform in porn are so rare, in fact, particularly young men, that they are quite overwhelmed with women and work, and if one of them contracts HIV, as happened in Nevada in 2014, it sends shockwaves of pure terror through the industry.

It wouldn’t happen in the UK or anywhere really now, since you need a certificate that shows you’ve tested negative for transmitted diseases within the last fortnight.

Filming in porn is a taller order than you might think (Picture: Getty Images/Connect Images)

Last time it happened I was suddenly inundated with porn superstars desperate to dress as schoolgirls and take one of my famous spankings, so they could keep earning while they awaited their test results.

The men who star in my spanking films aren’t paid. I justify this free labour because they really want to be in these films, for fun and prestige, in fact, sometimes they pay me to take part.

Sometimes they get their travel expenses: more usually they pay me for the chance to be on set. In so-called ethical porn, however, they tend to enjoy the same rates as women.

This strikes me as heroic, impressive, bur also idiotic. Many more men want to be in spanking porn than want to see men in spanking porn: the unbreakable rules of supply and demand that inform our capitalist economy suggest men should be rewarded with a mug of tea at most.

Hard core porn is quite a different game, however. So, boys, fancy a go?

Want to earn a fortune while travelling the world first-class, bedding the most beautiful women you’ve ever seen?

All you need do is take charge of your todger.

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