The date was going well – then she asked me to tie her up

For my first date in nearly a decade, I found myself in a fetish club called Titty Twister on Valentine’s Day (Picture: Getty Images)

‘Okay, you can tie me up now’.

My date Noriko* looked eagerly up at me, pushing her arms together.

Looking around the dimly lit venue, I was taken aback, but pleasantly curious.

This wasn’t just any bar. I wasn’t holding a pint, but instead, a length of rope.

For my first date in nearly a decade, I found myself in a fetish club called Titty Twister on Valentine’s Day. A far cry from the initial coffee at a small cafe I had planned in central Tokyo, which I assumed was a reference to an old Tarantino movie.

I had moved to Japan in 2019 for work as a writer and two years in my relationship with my ex had ended. 

After nine years, and despite moving to Tokyo together, she had decided she stopped liking the country, and then me. 

I had moved to Japan in 2019 for work as a writer and two years in my relationship with my ex had ended (Picture: Getty Images)

A few months on, and following encouragement from friends, I worked up the confidence to try dating apps. But I faced a number of roadblocks. 

The language barrier was the biggest one, I was strong on day-to-day Japanese, but a lot still eluded me.

I felt trepidation when initially matching with Noriko in late January. Our language difficulties were not easily overcome and communication could be tough. 

She wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship, and seemed more open-minded towards my preference for a more casual fling than other women I had messaged. 

We began chatting every day – initially through text, translator apps became a godsend for communication. And then we progressed to phone calls. These conversations were a bit more difficult. Nevertheless, she was patient and kind throughout.

Our language difficulties were not easily overcome and communication could be tough (Picture: Getty Images)

We were building a connection and flirting; she told me she liked it when a man took charge. I just didn’t know to what extent, at the time. Which is something I enjoy, now and again, but not to the level she clearly desired. 

In hindsight, I should have noticed the signs. When Noriko mentioned her hair being pulled, I assumed it was a joke. 

I had some experience in kinks already, as some women in my previous relationships or hook-ups had mentioned enjoying being spanked, but the language barrier made it harder to fully understand what she wanted.

She suggested we go for drinks on Valentine’s Day, which was the following Saturday. I thought this was maybe a bit much for a first date – so I suggested a quick coffee the weekend before. She agreed, and we took it from there.

However, that weekend I got a text saying, due to her anxiety, she didn’t really want to leave her flat. I was surprised, and naturally disappointed. 

‘But don’t worry, I still definitely want to see you on Saturday’, she reassured me. 

Meeting up at a nearby station, I felt tense. But she seemed confident and assured, which put me at ease. While it’s always a bit odd meeting someone after only communicating online, things seemed to be going pretty smoothly.

She was cute, energetic, and bouncy: I was thrilled to meet her.

She then escorted me to Titty Twister.

Looking at the sign, I saw an ‘Introduction to Shibari’ evening – which is Japanese rope bondage. I instantly gulped, but tried to keep my poker face on, anticipating the kink-filled first date that apparently was to come.

I’ve never been especially dexterous, but surprised myself by how easily tying her hands was (Picture: Lucas Low)

I ordered a drink, and politely watched the demonstration with Noriko, which showed it to be very artistic, and complex enough to be challenging but not too difficult to attempt as a novice.

Eventually, it was time for the attendees to give it a go. While everyone turned to their partners, and muttered to each other, I looked at Noriko.

Something about the pure joy in her eyes made me want to do it.

I’ve never been especially dexterous, but surprised myself by how easily tying her hands was. Initially, nervousness (despite my attempts to hide it), made me have a couple of slip-ups. 

But with some guidance, I found it surprisingly easy to just repeat the motions and ties in order to create something pretty to look at and effective at keeping someone’s arms in place.

We talked more about ourselves and our experiences. She was someone who was naturally shy, but felt more free when she was bound. It seemed a strange contradiction, but I came to understand it. 

In a way, learning to restrict someone else helped me feel a little more loose (Picture: Lucas Low)

Following a fun night, we bid each other farewell a few hours later at the station. After a farewell kiss, we departed in different directions. 

Sadly, our relationship did not continue, and she soon ended it via text. It seems my technique was not tight enough for her. Understandable: as a novice, I was scared to make things too tight. 

Still, it was a touch disappointing, as things were pretty early on, and I had seen potential with her – but I guess this proves we were on different wavelengths.

Norika told me she preferred someone stricter and it helps her anxiety. 

Luckily, I’ve learned to be pretty casual about things in my relationships. In a way, learning to restrict someone else helped me feel a little more loose.

Though, at least I learned two things. 

The first is how to bind wrists.

And the second is to research the venue beforehand.

*Names have been changed 

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