The date was amazing – until I felt liquid on my leg

I feel used and ashamed – but just five hours ago, I was enamoured by this man (Picture: Getty Images)

‘Um…are you okay?’, I ask as I look up at the man towering over me. 

‘Sure,’ he answers, pulling up his pants and sitting down by his desk, letting out a big sigh. 

I watch as he lights a half-smoked joint from an ashtray. The flicker of the flame illuminates his expressionless face. 

Meanwhile, a sticky substance starts to drip down my leg – it’s obvious what has happened, so I awkwardly get up to leave the room. 

I feel used and ashamed – but just five hours ago, I was enamoured by this man.

I met Joel* in 2010 at a house party. 

After arriving, I quickly spotted him across the kitchen. He was tall and hot, with dark hair and the style of an indie boy.

We flirted. I’d find Joel in random rooms and we’d talk, before a friend would pull one of us away. Somehow, I gathered enough clarity to give him my number before leaving and thought nothing of it. 

A couple of days later though, Joel messaged me: ‘Would love to finish our conversation’. 

The conversation got more flirty as the drinks flowed (Picture: Getty Images)

I instantly replied to set up a date. 

We met at a pub close to his – I knew the intention there and was prepared to ‘go all the way’. I completed a full body shave and flossed for the first time that year. 

Nothing was going to stop this from happening. 

Walking into the pub I was a bit taken aback – Joel was taller than I remembered and somehow more handsome. His stubble revealed a strong jawline. His green eyes had brown freckles that I just fell into. 

We talked about music and our friends in common. The conversation got more flirty as the drinks flowed and we found ourselves talking about our best kiss. I took that as my sign and leaned in. 

It was a great kiss – and for the next 30 minutes, we sat in the pub performing the wildest PDA before laughing our way out. 

As we reached his flat, Joel stopped me. ‘I live with someone,’ he said. ‘He’s in, I think, but don’t worry, we won’t talk to him’. 

In the bathroom, I looked at the liquid smeared all over me in disgust, before grabbing a towel and cleaning myself up

I wondered what was so wrong with this flatmate that meant we had to avoid him – it sounded strange, but I put it down to him wanting me so badly that he didn’t want to waste time. 

It turned out time was not on his side. 

Joel’s flatmate was playing on his Xbox – he double-took when he saw me, then smiled at Joel. It all felt a bit like he was saying ‘Oh, another one?’. 

Just as I began to feel slightly awkward, Joel grabbed my hand and pulled me into his room. His hands were all over me as we kissed and moved towards his bed. He pulled at my jeans, until I managed to unbutton them and take them off. 

I started to lay down on the bed behind me – Joel moved on top of me and pulled down his pants and boxers. Seconds later, he shuddered and moaned. 

I felt something warm on my leg. 

His hands were all over me as we kissed and moved towards his bed (Picture: Getty Images)

He came – and I was still wearing almost all my clothes. 

Now, there’s nothing wrong with premature ejaculation. It happens, it’s not a problem – you talk about it, and try again. Or, you try other things, such as oral sex. 

But instead, Joel pulled up his pants and lit that joint, as if nothing happened, and just stared at me. 

I pulled my trousers over his semen and went to the bathroom to clean up. On the way, I quickly grabbed my bag so that I could plan an escape.

In the bathroom, I looked at the liquid smeared all over me in disgust, before grabbing a towel and cleaning myself up. 

My hair and make up was still completely intact, as if nothing happened.

But Joel had ejaculated on my thigh and then left me on his bed. This wasn’t sex. This was just about a man getting what he wanted, no matter how that made me feel. 

I thought back to our flirting, our kissing and considered going back to the room to see if he would want to try again. But deep down I knew that he wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore. 

I was just a cloth for him to come onto before discarding me. 

I felt so disgusting – tears started falling down my cheeks before I realised how hurt I was. I hadn’t experienced anything like this before. Grabbing my bag, I opened the bathroom door and left. 

Later that day, I deleted his number and never told anyone about what happened. I felt ashamed and embarrassed even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. 

We never saw each other again, but it did make me weary about having any kind of sexual expectation from men. But, I still found myself in a fair few complicated situations – learning to love yourself was a process I was still on.  

If I could go back, I wouldn’t be able to do anything differently – but going forward, I know I never want to be in that situation again. And if I saw Joel now, I wouldn’t give him the time of day.  

Men like him don’t deserve my time. 

*Name has been changed 

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