'Network Density': Why You Love Your Friends But Never Rely On Them

You might be surprised to learn just how good friendship is for our health. 

One study found that having more mates might make us age more slowly, while another suggested strong, healthy connections could increase our longevity.

But not all friendships are created equal. You might feel like one person is more reliable than another in times of need, even though you’re just as close to both of them.

According to 2020 research published in Social Psychology Quarterly, there’s a surprising reason some chums appear more supportive than others: how close they are to your other loved ones.

“Dense” social networks feel most supportive

This research relied on two studies. The first one asked 339 people to list eight individuals they’d gone to for support in the previous six months, and also got participants to rank how helpful they were.

They were also required to share how close those people on the list were to one another.

The more overlap there appeared to be between the folks they relied on (or the “denser” their social network was), the more supported respondents seemed to be. 

Meanwhile, the second survey asked people to imagine that their house had been broken into. They were told to compile two sets of four people who might support them: those who knew and liked one another, and those who didn’t. 

When researchers split participants into two groups – one who pictured their unconnected friends coming to their aid, and another who thought about their more close-knit group’s support – people tended to imagine the latter group would be more helpful. 

Friendships are “more than the sum of their parts”

Ohio State University’s Associate Professor Joseph Bayer, who was involved in the research, said: “We found that our support networks are more than the sum of their parts.

“People who feel they have more social support in their lives may be focusing more on the collective support they feel from being part of a strong, cohesive group. It’s having a real crew, as opposed to just having a set of friends,” he added. 

And David Lee, who is now an Associate Professor of Communications at the University at Buffalo but who led the research as an Ohio State University postdoctoral psychology fellow, stated: “The more cohesive, the more dense this network you have, the more you feel you can rely on them for support.

“It matters if your friends can depend on each other, just like you depend on them.”

The added sense of support dense social networks seem to bring people might also make them feel more ready to confront life events, the paper added.

So, if you’re feeling stuck, Bayer advised: “Focus on those friends who are connected to each other. That’s where we really perceive the most support”.