My ‘wonderful’ boyfriend left me out of the blue – but that’s not what hurts the most

Imagine being left in a situation like this? (Picture: Getty/ Metro)

Just when you think you know someone, they reveal their true colours.

This week’s reader truly believed that after years of ‘disastrous relationships’, she’d finally found her dream man.

But Prince Charming was not to be trusted.

In reality, she was sleeping next to a manipulator who ultimately abandoned her when she was totally vulnerable.

Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman who’s finding it exceedingly difficult to indulge in casual sex.

The problem…

After several disastrous relationships, I was thrilled to meet an amazing guy at a party last Christmas. He swept me off my feet, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world when we started dating.

All my friends liked him, and my family thought he was wonderful. He seemed to have so many qualities – he was charming, handsome, funny – the list is endless.

Within three weeks he said he loved me, and while part of me thought that was a bit soon, I decided to just go with it.

He spent a lot of time at my place, where we’d often just eat dinner, watch TV and have great sex. He rarely wanted to socialise.

Then in April I discovered I was pregnant, which I thought my boyfriend would be thrilled about, as he allegedly loved me.

Instead, his reaction was weird. At first, he said he was pleased but over the next few days set about persuading me to have a termination as he said we ‘weren’t ready’ to start a family.

He said he wanted to do everything properly – get married, buy a house, and save up some money before having kids. He even set a date for our wedding and claimed he couldn’t wait to spend his life with me and our future family.

Against my better judgement, I let him talk me into ending the pregnancy.

I’m sure you have an idea of what’s coming next. Within a month of the abortion, he supposedly got a job offer in Scotland, where I was meant to join him.

However, he has now completely disappeared and blocked me from all forms of communication.

I’m devastated to think our relationship was based on lies, and worse still, I’ve killed the baby I wanted.

The advice

I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation, but trust me, you’re well shot of him. What a creep and liar he has turned out to be.

I’ve had to edit down your long email, but from what you say, this man sounds like a manipulative narcissist. His sole reason for love-bombing you and acting like the guy you wanted him to be was so he could control you.

Those nights with just the two of you were almost certainly the start of isolating you from family and friends.

The type you describe doesn’t want to be tied down with a baby. Fatherhood would get in the way of his fun, creating both financial and practical responsibilities, which of course he doesn’t want.

Stories like yours never end well, there is usually cheating, violence, financial or emotional abuse – sometimes all of them. Once the narcissist has gained your love and adoration, the true self comes out.

Right now, you need specialist counselling to help you get over the termination. Also, look for support groups in your area, where you’ll find other women who’ve had similar experiences.

Let yourself grieve and remember that healing is a personal journey. Take your time to recover from this horrible betrayal and be glad this sleazebag is no longer in your life.

You deserve better.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk

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