My ex lied to get me into bed – I don’t know if I can get over her again

How do you stop yourself from falling back into old habits? (Picture: Getty/ Metro)

When you’re heart broken, finding yourself again can feel like an impossible task.

And this week’s reader was just getting his life back together when his ex girlfriend showed up out of the blue – ruining months of progress.

Now, he needs to decide what kind of future he wants for himself.

Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman who was left devastated after her ‘wonderful’ boyfriend completely disappeared.

The problem…

I recently bumped into my ex, a girl I was with for nearly five years and thought the world of. We met at school and until we split up, she was my one and only. 

In the spring of 2024, she got a job working for a big financial company and ended up leaving me for someone with loads of money, a flash car and his own place. 

I’d met this guy a few times at work functions and thought he was full of himself, and I never really regarded him as the type she’d fancy. How wrong I was. 

When she left me for him it caused me a lot of heartache, and I turned heavily to drink and drugs. I messed up my life for nearly a year, but eventually with the help of friends and family, I sorted myself out and managed to put her in the past. 

That was until I bumped into her. She gave me the biggest hug and said how much she missed me; that things hadn’t worked out with the new guy, and she’d give anything to turn the clock back. 

She ended up coming back to my flat that night, where we had amazing sex and things between us were perfect, just like they used to be. Everything she said led me to think that our breakup was just a blip in our lives, and after this unexpected reunion, we would get back together. 

But the next morning, she admitted she hadn’t split up with the other guy at all. She said she was sorry, but it was all a crazy mistake and that although she still loved me, it was the ‘wrong sort of love’ and that we had no future. She couldn’t even look at me when she left. 

I’d only just picked myself up off the floor and am so angry with myself for getting sucked in again.  

I know going down that same ‘dark alley’ is not the answer, but I’m so tempted. 

The advice

You know what I’m going to say. Don’t go back to the drink and drugs – they didn’t provide a solution before and they won’t now. 

Please don’t be angry with yourself for doing what many other people would have done. At least you’ve clarified that there’s no future with this girl. 

You had nothing to lose and no other commitments, but your ex has a boyfriend who she’s been with for two years. She seems able to cheat quite easily, doubtless going home to him as though nothing had happened. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

Who knows why she played with your emotions in the way she did. Perhaps in that moment she really did long for the old days, before waking up and realising she has a new life now. Or maybe she just wanted to prove that she still had power over you. 

I know you’re hurting right now, and healing takes time, but I promise you won’t always be in this much pain.

Remember, you got over her before, and you’ll get over her again. 

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk

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