My date ghosted me – I blame the dead seagull

I found myself on a date with a man and a deceased seagull (Picture: Lucy Ridges)

When you’re dating someone new, part of the fun is finding out whether your potential future life partner has any weird hobbies or quirks.

Do they collect swords or spoons? Are they really into World War I memorabilia, Pokemon or industrial techno? Are they a competitive axe-thrower or more into padel tennis? Basically, what’s their thing?

Well, my thing is taxidermy, which is how I found myself on a date with a man and a deceased seagull a few years ago.

I’ll preface this by saying I grew up on a farm and have always found comfort when I’m surrounded by animals.

It’s why, years later, I found myself renting a room in Cumbria from a landlady who had a wild and varied taxidermy collection, including her old pet Pug Mr Toots who lived curled up by the fireplace. I didn’t feel grossed out or scared. Rather, I felt safe, comforted. 

My own passion for the hobby, however, didn’t begin until 2022, after my dad died.

One of the more confronting things about death is the finality of it, the way the world carries on while someone you loved just… vanishes. So, in the quiet aftermath and my grief, I found myself searching for a way to keep something, anything, of the past alive.

That’s when I decided to train as a taxidermist. 

Taxidermy is my thing (Picture: Lucy Ridges)

If you’re wondering, no, I did not stuff my dad. But I did stuff a grey squirrel from Dorset who looks like my father and lives in my kitchen.

Around the same time, I was also venturing back into the dating scene. Dating apps felt like the natural starting point, so I downloaded Hinge and matched with Max*.

Max seemed charming enough, and after a pleasant first meeting, he invited me over for a romantic dinner for two at his place. That’s when my two worlds collided.

I hadn’t mentioned my taxidermy hobby yet, because it hadn’t naturally come up in conversation, not because I was scared of frightening him off. 

On the day of our date, I’d picked up a taxidermy seagull from a collector in Wimbledon. Its foot was broken, yet something about its awkward little stance called out to me and I knew I had to take it home.

It wasn’t like I’d brought a live animal – my seagull was a threat to no one (Picture: Lucy Ridges)

Only, when I left my house for the date that evening, I’d unintentionally left it in the back seat of my Ford Fiesta.

I’d brought a plus one. A dead one. 

Figuring it could be a conversation starter, something we’d laugh about for years to come, I decided to just wing it.

But when Max saw it perched in the passenger seat, it quickly became clear the seagull wasn’t welcome.

‘There’s no way that thing is coming into my flat,’ he said firmly.

His words stung. I know not everyone shares my passion, but it wasn’t like I’d brought a live animal. It was, quite literally, gutted and stuffed – a threat to no one.

I didn’t want to leave it in the back of my car though – what if someone broke in and stole it?

I know that the right person will love me and my taxidermy (Picture: Lucy Ridges)

‘Why would anyone want to do that?’ my date scoffed. But I found myself thinking, ‘Well, I would…’

Eventually we found a compromise, I’d leave the seagull by the bike rack downstairs inside his block of flats, but I must admit I felt deflated and also quite worried about the seagull’s welfare. 

We carried on with the date, more out of politeness than anything, and shared a very boring spaghetti bolognese and even more boring conversation. There was no spark, no warmth, and absolutely no gull. 

All the haters and boring dates can get stuffed (Picture: Lucy Ridges)

After that, we mutually ghosted each other and never spoke again.

I’m sure he ghosted me because I brought a dead bird to his house. But I ghosted him because I thought that he was dull for not loving my gull.  

Obviously, I don’t hold it against him. Maybe the taxidermy seagull was a bit much for him, but I know that the right person will love me and my taxidermy.

Whenever I forget that, I just remind myself of a married couple I met on the taxidermy course. They positioned their two rabbits mid-hug and I remember thinking: ‘Wow, that’s the kind of love I want.’ 

I know that I’ll find it and when I do they won’t recoil at the sight of my seagull in a cardboard box, they might even ask her name (it’s Abigull).

Until then, all the haters and boring dates can get stuffed.

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