Aaron Sorkin recently divulged why Jesse Eisenberg declined to play Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network sequel: because Jesse doesn’t want to be associated with Zuck any more in any way, shape, or form, thankyouverymuch. True, but I think I’ve sniffed out another reason. Jesse is in the latest Minions movie, Minions & Monsters, that comes out on July 1, and in it he plays Dort, a villainous robot plotting world domination. Dude’s afraid of typecasting, obviously! Jesse was on The Tonight Show last week to promote the movie, and for his talk show banter Jesse trod some familiar ground: how he’s unbearably uncomfortable on vacations, but having surgery to donate a kidney to a complete stranger was “painless.” Jimmy Fallon started off the conversation by showing a picture of Jesse on a recent trip to Turks and Caicos with his wife, where Jesse is purportedly smiling. The story took a quirky neurotic turn from there:
Eisenberg: Well, they told me to smile, and that’s how I smile. Yes. I’m not a beach person. I went down there on kind of this professional thing, my wife’s colleague, and so, I don’t like the… when it’s hot or if there’s sand or if people are happy. But then on the second day, a miracle occurred, which is that I lost my passport, and then it was amazing because then I had a task. I was on the phone with the embassy. I was on the phone with the airlines. I was walking around, I was with security. I went to the police station in Turks and Caicos. It turned out to be this incredible experience. But I will say, if you’re anything like me and you go on a vacation with your family or something, misplace it, at least for a day or something, misplace your passport.
Fallon: Did you get it back finally?
Eisenberg: I canceled it with the embassy. I was speaking to somebody in the Coast Guard. It was fascinating. Why is she in the Coast Guard but she’s dealing with my passport? Not a good idea, but anyway I canceled it. I reported my passport as lost. And then I got to the airport and they say, “Right this way. And of course we have your passport.” I was like, “Wait, how did you get it?” And they were like, “Somebody brought it here.” And I was like, “Oh, I just canceled it.” Didn’t think to check the airport.
Fallon: Why?
Eisenberg: I’ll tell you why. I was too distracted being happy about dealing with the embassy!
Fallon: I don’t think I’ve ever said this to a guest, but since the last time you were on our show, you’ve donated a kidney.
Eisenberg: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fallon: Wow! This is amazing. To a complete stranger.
Eisenberg: Well, I learned about this. And this is just like something anybody could do. It’s for me, pain free. It was quick. They compensate you if you have to miss work to get the surgery. They say you live a longer life because they put you through such a battery of tests before you donate that you end of living they say “longer than your non-donor peers,” because you have to be so healthy to do it. And so I live a perfectly normal life. My other kidney is growing. And somebody else, you know, who was on dialysis or dying, was able to have a real life now.
Fallon: That’s amazing. That’s an amazing thing that you did.
Eisenberg: Thank you.
Fallon: I love that you did it. Very generous.
Eisenberg: Oh, thanks.
[Transcript from YouTube, edited for clarity]
Funny stuff first: his vacation anecdote is a hoot! And, fittingly, he really gets into the storytelling of it. There was a glint in his eyes when he got to the Coast Guard section — you could tell that he was seriously fascinated/curious/ready to engage in deep bureaucratic investigation to get to the bottom of how/why someone from the Coast Guard was helping him with his passport! If the trip had been another week, I’m sure that’s what he would have done, lol. Forget clear blue ocean, forget swim up bar; Jesse’s idea of a good time is resolving efficiency issues of foreign agencies! Or, of course, finding an organ to spare. What a remarkable human he is, that that act of selflessness and generosity is his happy place. Another upside he’s talked about before is that when you donate a kidney, your family then gets prioritized if they ever end up needing a living kidney themselves, fyi. I’ll state the obvious: Jesse is too good to play Mark Zuckerberg.
Photos credit: Xavier Collin/Image Press Agency/Avalon, Jeffrey Mayer/Avalon
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