I’ve lost count of how many women I’ve slept with — will I ever settle down?

He’s starting to wonder whether commitment might be more fulfilling (Picture: Getty/Metro)

Some people are more than happy being single, or prefer the excitement of short flings over long-term monogamy.

That was always the case for this reader, until his friends started settling down and made him question the bachelor lifestyle he’s leading.

But while he wants a serious relationship in theory, a fear of commitment prevents him from making it actually happen.

Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to read last week’s Sex Column, from a married mum whose double life is about to be exposed by her younger affair partner.

The advice…

Please don’t think I’m bragging when I say I’ve had so many girlfriends over the last 16 years I’ve lost count. On the contrary, I’m starting to see my ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’ lifestyle as a problem.

Recently when we were down the pub, one of my mates asked how many women I’d had sex with, and I honestly didn’t know. While in days gone by everyone would have laughed at this, now they’re all around the 30-mark and getting married or having kids, it doesn’t seem to get quite the laugh it used to.

I work in the travel business and am always going abroad to check out new resorts and places to go. I don’t even have to go into the office – I’m often working on the beach, and my bosses are happy with that. This only makes it easier to meet women for no-strings-attached fun, where we both have a good time but I don’t have to fear bumping into them again.

It can be a bit trickier if I meet a girl when I’m home, because she’ll often presume it’s the start of something; but even though I sometimes have several dates with the same person, I always back off if they start getting serious.

I always use a condom and have regular sexual health checks, so I don’t worry on that score. Recently though, a childhood friend got married and I found myself feeling a bit sad and empty at the reception, wondering why I never feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with anyone.

The advice…

I really hate to judge you but as the mother of a young woman, you sound like the kind of guy I’d dread her getting involved with. However, reading between the lines, you’re ready to embrace change – and not a day too soon.

Your job makes it easy to avoid serious relationships, but don’t look on the way you’ve always acted as a blueprint for the future. Start seeing women not just as objects but as people, who you might actually enjoy getting to know and spending time with.

You don’t say anything about your history, but I wonder if your parents had a distant relationship, or whether as a child you felt unloved. Sometimes if a person’s had that sort of dysfunctional upbringing, they find it easier to gain approval from people they barely know; because underneath is the fear that if people did get to know you, they may not like what they find.

I’m just speculating. But your email hints that you’re uncomfortable with your current lifestyle, and 30 is around the age when people start wanting to replace the thrill of the chase with something more meaningful.

Most people long to love and be loved, and avoiding this as you do suggests you have deep-rooted attachment issues. It’s vital for your own well-being going forward, as well as the welfare of girls you meet along the way, that you explore therapy to find out why you’re unable to form lasting relationships.

With professional help, you can discover the better person you know you can be.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected].

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