I tried airplane sex – it was awkward and disgusting

As we got on our flight, returning to British land, we felt like we needed one more lay (Picture: Getty Images)

‘Never again’, I muttered, plopping myself down on my airplane seat.

My partner Seb* sat down next to me and sighed: ‘Yeah, not going through that again’.

He sounded sad, and rightly so.

We had just found out the mile high club – coined as a ‘club’ of people who have sex when planes are in flight – was a scam.

30 minutes into our flight back to London from romantic Florence, we attempted to have sex in the airplane bathroom – but it was the most chaotic, annoying and disgusting experience I’ve ever had.

So gross, in fact, that it temporarily put me off sex.

Despite what films and TV had told me, that day I was unable to believe a single person had enjoyed sex in an airplane bathroom.

Seb had booked us a week away in Florence for our one-year anniversary and it was a beautiful trip. We ate gorgeous food, shopped for wine and walked endlessly through the city every day.

In the evenings, we’d dress up, go to a bar and then come home and have passionate sex.

Every night, without fail.

We’d always loved going to a different country and having sex there. Previously, we’d spent every night covered in sweat and nothing else in Athens. And when we first met, we did a weekend of not leaving the bed in Madrid.

This time, as we got on our flight, returning to British land, we felt like we needed one more lay, before we go too far over Italian soil.

We attempted to have sex in the airplane bathroom (Picture: Getty Images)

So, sitting in the back of the plane, we came up with the plan – we would go have a quickie in the toilet next to us and come back as if nothing happened. It would mean we could join the mile high club, and for some unknown reason, that excited me.

Little did I know what was to come.

I told Seb I would go first, as I was in the aisle, and check the bathrooms. Since we were sitting so close to them, Seb could check to see if I went into one, and then he could instantly join me.

So I got up, went into the empty toilet and shut the door. At first, I was smiling – buzzing. I couldn’t wait to have sex on a plane. While flying. I was about to have sex while being suspended in the air by a force I could never understand.

I got up, went into the empty toilet and shut the door (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

But the excitement almost instantly fizzled away when I looked around me. There was a faint smell in the toilet – of course there was. This is where people poop.

The floor was also wet, which made me wonder how many people missed the seat during turbulence. Even the sink was dirty – a wet tissue was sitting scrunched up next to the tap.

I almost immediately heard Seb’s knock, but since my smile had faded to a frown I was having second thoughts.

I considered shooing Seb away but realised that may call for more attention than we wanted, so I let him in.

I watched his face go from happy to confused. He sniffed and then looked at the floor and then the sink. Despite our surroundings, I giggled at how similar our reactions were and went in to kiss him. At first, he pushed away with slight disgust in his face, but then pulled me in.

I couldn’t wait to have sex on a plane (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

It was happening. I was going to have sex in this disgusting bathroom. I had no idea why I was doing it, but I was doing it.

I pushed him slowly against the door, so as not to alert too many people of our dalliance, and Seb started to try and remove my underwear. I was wearing a skirt, so it made things easier, but I didn’t want my underwear touching the revolting floor, and so accidentally did a jumping jack in an attempt to stop my underwear from falling.

In the process, I accidentally headbutted Seb, who then headbutted the door. 

While grimacing from the pain, we froze, waiting to see if anyone had heard us. But nothing.

Despite what had just happened, Seb continued by lifting me up.

The mile high club is not what you think it is (Picture: Getty Images)

At first I thought he was going to put me on the sink until I started to whisper a protest, so he moved me towards the toilet seat. 

My protests became louder and in the panic, my underwear fell on the wet floor and I dropped my foot into the basin. I was wearing sandals, and my big toe touched metal.

‘NO’, I screamed.

I didn’t care if anyone heard us at this point. From then on, I was wondering if my foot had poop on it. It was all I could think of. 

Seb slowly put me back down on the ground, I gathered up my underwear, and stormed out of the toilet.

Luckily there was no one waiting and I just went back to my seat.

The rest of the flight was finished pretty much in silence, and as soon as I got to the airport, I washed my entire foot and leg before getting home.

Luckily, Seb and I never spoke or thought about that horrible situation again and our relationship continued as normal. 

But the mile high club is not what you think it is. It’s cramped, disgusting, smelly and wet.

I do not recommend trying it, no matter how horny you are. It’s something I’ll never attempt ever again.

*Name has been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing izzie.price@metro.co.uk. 

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