I told Mum’s boyfriend I was moving out – his reaction was gross

This is an impossible situation to be in (Picture: Metro/ Getty)

When a loved one introduces you to their new partner, you want to like them – but it doesn’t always work out that way.

This week’s reader, who is in her 20s, was thrilled when her mum met someone new, but she soon had her doubts.

In his late 50s, he’s started making inappropriate comments, and it’s getting very uncomfortable.

Now, our reader is wondering whether she should keep quiet, or tell her mum the truth.

Keeping reading to hear Laura’s advice below. Before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman who isn’t interested in fulfilling her boyfriend’s sexual fantasy.

The problem…

How do I tell my mum that her boyfriend, 58, keeps flirting with me? She adores him and I don’t want to hurt her, but the situation is becoming unbearable. 

Mum is 47 and I’m 24 and an only child. Since my father died unexpectedly eight years ago, there’s just been the two of us making it on our own.

We’ve always been close but Dad’s death brought us closer, and because I’ve been worried about leaving her, I’ve stayed at home and work locally. 

About a year ago, Mum met this guy when she was out with a friend. At first, I was pleased for her as he seemed really nice and made Mum happy. 

He hasn’t moved in but is at our place a lot, which made me think more about getting somewhere of my own. But when I mentioned I might leave, he sidled up to me when Mum was upstairs and said how much he’d miss me if I wasn’t there. He then proceeded to tell me how he’d always thought I was attractive and far too good for my boyfriend. 

Since then, he has become more and more flirtatious with me, complimenting me on how I look and recently saying it’s a shame he isn’t younger, as I am definitely his type. 

His behaviour really grosses me out but I’m afraid to tell Mum the truth, so I’ve just tried to tell her I’m not keen on him.

Unfortunately, she thinks I’m just jealous because I’ve had her to myself all this time, and she even sat me down and told me how she’d always love me, despite there being someone else in her life. 

The advice

This is such a tricky situation, I do feel for you and your poor mum. You’ve obviously been through a lot together with the loss of your dad and you clearly have a great deal of love and loyalty to her. 

But you really can’t let this drift on. While you don’t have any control over the behaviour of this man, you do have control over how you react, so despite your natural desire to protect your mum, you really do need to tell her. 

Choose a time when he’s not around, and say you need to talk. It doesn’t sound like he has been physical with you, so keep it simple and just say that he flirts with you and makes you feel uncomfortable. Give her a couple of examples to illustrate what you mean. 

She might be annoyed at first, but I guarantee that she would rather know than not. 

He sounds like a dirty old man who doesn’t deserve your mum and if he’s flirting with you, he may be doing it with others. There’s a slim chance that he’s just an old fool who means no harm and is lamenting his lost youth, but that’s for her to decide. 

From what you say, it’s unlikely their relationship will have a happy ending but once you’ve told her, you need to leave it to them to sort out. 

Be there with a shoulder to cry on – your mum may need it.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

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