I had to interrupt sex to watch Practical Magic with my terrified boyfriend

I sat up in bed, smiled widely and looked into his eyes while chanting: ‘Eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog’ (Picture: Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

‘Since when is being a slut a crime in this family?’ I asked in an awful American accent.

My boyfriend Jude* and I had just gone to bed, and as I climbed on top of him, kissing him passionately, I couldn’t help but burst in fits of laughter over my best Sandra Bullock impression. 

He, however, did not even let out a little chuckle.

Instead, he stared at me, confused, mouthing ‘what the-’ as he watched me giggling.

Noticing his confusion, I sat up, smiled widely and looked into his eyes while chanting: ‘Eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog’.

He immediately jumped out of bed, letting out a yelp, screaming ‘what is wrong with you?’

That was the moment I realised my boyfriend had not seen the film Practical Magic — the 1998 fantasy romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman, and the very one I was quoting.

Instead, he thought his girlfriend had gone completely bananas.

A few weeks prior, we re-watched The Craft together, and not long before that, The Witches of Eastwick was our obsession (Picture: Getty Images)

Earlier that evening, I had invited some friends around for a movie and gossip session, while Jude went to a family meal. 

Myself and a group of four others sat down that evening to indulge in our witchy fantasies, as well as crush on Sandra Bullock, by watching Practical Magic.

A few weeks prior, we re-watched The Craft together, and not long before that, The Witches of Eastwick was our obsession.

There was a theme we had noticed, so one of the girlies suggested we start our own coven – wear matching necklaces and track our lunar phases. Beyond that, we had little interest in actual witchcraft, we merely wanted to have a bit of silly fun.

But after Jude had overheard us coming up with names for our coven (Wh**** From Hell was the least favourite, we ended up with Sisters of the Coven), he became genuinely worried.

‘You shouldn’t mess with all that stuff’, he had poked his head into the living room where we all were to warn us. But we laughed it off, and I patted his butt as I sent him on his way.

We settled down to a viewing of Practical Magic for inspiration (Picture: Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

‘Send my love to your mum, not your dad though,’ I laughed and gave him a kiss. He smiled gingerly and left.

So obviously we spent the rest of the night discussing spells on boys and what we would do, importantly, to who. 

One friend who will remain nameless wanted to put warts on the penis of her boss. Another said she would make Austin Butler fall in love with her, which led the rest of us to list five celebrities we would choose.

I went with two of the internet’s sweethearts: Pedro Pascal and Oscar Isaac – while attempting to figure out the rest, we settled down to a viewing of Practical Magic for inspiration. When they started making margaritas in the film, chanting ‘Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog’, so did we.

As they fought, and Dianne Wiest’s character Aunt Jet screamed ‘Ingrate!’ – a word we hadn’t heard in decades – we decided it was our new favourite insult.

When they cut their hands and tearfully said ‘my blood, your blood, our blood’, we held hands and cried with them. (That was the margarita’s fault.)

Suffice to say, we were drunk and our coven was established.

By the time they all left that evening and Jude came home, I was feeling frisky.

When we went to bed, and I started straddling him, the quotes were still swirling in my intoxicated mind, so they were just blurting out of me as I giggled. I think part of me felt like I was still with my friends.

By the time they all left that evening and Jude came home, I was feeling frisky (Picture: Getty Images/Connect Images)

What I didn’t realise was I had actually terrified Jude, to the point that he asked me if I had ‘gone to the dark side’, with concern in his face. There was a lot of restraint used to not burst out laughing at him, but I was aware of how very serious he was.

‘You’re speaking…in tongues!’ he blurted out.

So I cleared my throat, climbed off him, assured him I was fine, I was not a witch, I had not gone to the dark side, and I was simply quoting a film I thought he had seen.

‘I’ve never seen Practical Magic, sounds stupid,’ he said grumpily. 

‘Absolutely not going to let that happen,’ I said, scrambling for our TV remote. I pressed the ‘on’ button on the control, told him he’s not sleeping for a couple of hours, and put on Practical Magic.

For the second time that night.

While my boyfriend was very pragmatic, he had a side of him that was absolutely enamoured and terrified of fantasy (Picture: Getty Images)

And for the half an hour I managed to stay up for, it was a glorious watch. Jude however, watched the whole thing, nudging me awake as I drooled on the pillow next to him.

‘Will you try and curse me?’ however, was the first thing he asked.

‘Of course not’, I managed, ‘Practical Magic isn’t a documentary you know, I can’t do any of that stuff’.

While my boyfriend was very pragmatic, he had a side of him that was absolutely enamoured and terrified of fantasy. I was hoping showing him the film would calm him down, but the issue was deeper than that – he really was worried about supernatural forces.

I assured him I wouldn’t and it was simply just girly fun.

Everything eventually returned back to normal.

Until the next obsession came along: Bridesmaids.

And that was around the time he invited me to no longer live with him.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing izzie.price@metro.co.uk. 

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