Elon Musk Acquires Total Ownership Of The Economist

AUSTIN, TX — Over the course of a ninety-minute transaction, Elon Musk became the sole and absolute owner of The Economist. Though Musk had no reported prior interest in the aging magazine, Musk acquired total ownership of the company during a sit-down with The Economist's Zanny Beddoes. "Well, that didn't quite go as planned," sighed Beddoes, handing over her employee badge to Musk. "Here you go, Elon. I'll, uh, just see myself out." Musk, for his part, offered Beddoes the option to stay on with the company, on the condition that she do actual journalism. Beddoes made several loud screeching...