‘Cold approachers’ are plaguing women on UK streets — you may have been duped

Getting approached on the street may not be the innocent act you think it is (Picture: Getty)

Being approached by a seemingly nice guy in public, who starts a friendly conversation and politely asks for your number, might feel like a refreshing move in the age of Hinge and Snapchat.

But, you could have unknowingly been preyed upon by a ‘cold approacher’.

Earlier this week, Amelia Sutton, 24, posted a clip of herself on TikTok, waiting for a date. As she sits at a table, another man comes up to her, and tells her she looks ‘really beautiful.’

Initially, Amelia praises his confidence, and captioned the video ‘what a cutie’.

But many in the comments quickly recognised the man’s voice, and pointed out that he was in fact a known ‘cold approacher’.

Part of the manosphere movement, cold approaching is when guys film themselves attempting to chat up lots of women in public, in a short space of time.

These videos are then posted online, supposedly showing other men how to pick up women.

There is no attempt to conceal the women’s identity when filming, or ask for consent to do so.

In multiple instances, if the cold approachers are rejected, they follow up with abuse. Clips online have shown men hurling racial slurs and misogynistic comments at women in the street.

Where did ‘cold approaching’ come from and why is it problematic?

The Game, by Neil Strauss, was an autobiographical guide published in 2005, which claimed to teach men how to pick up women.

Dubbed a ‘macho nightmare’ and ‘sinister’ by The Guardian, Neil tries out different methods taught to him by pickup artists and becomes a serial womaniser. These include things like negging – undermining someone’s self-esteem so they’ll seek your approval – although he’s since decried these methods as ‘objectifying and horrifying’.

It was this book that brought ‘cold approaching’ into the mainstream.

Almost 20 years on though, and we live in an age of social media, which has given techniques like this a much wider audience.

‘There are now entire online communities built around how to approach women, framed as self-improvement but often rooted in a transactional view of women as targets rather than people,’ psychosexual therapist Dr Ben Davis tells Metro.

The hashtag #coldapproach has nearly 12,000 posts on TikTok alone, while videos on Instagram of ‘cold approach rules’ have more than one million views. YouTubers even have 41-minute compilations of cold approaching women available to watch.

Dr Davis says this constant filming is ‘telling’.

‘It means the primary audience isn’t the woman being approached — it’s other men online,’ he explains. ‘These interactions are content. The woman is an unwilling participant in someone else’s performance.

‘It’s a profound violation of her autonomy, quite apart from any question of harassment.’

And, psychosexual therapist Natasha Silverman, says that its dangerous to teach men that rejection is something you can overcome by simply being persistent — one ‘no’ should be enough.

‘This is particularly troubling when we consider that women will often “fawn” or “people please” by remaining polite and friendly, even when they feel frightened or uncomfortable, to try and reduce the likelihood of harm,’ she tells Metro.

‘To men with a healthy view of connection, cues like awkward laughing or disjointed eye contact would land as “she’s uncomfortable”, but men within the incel, manosphere, and pick-up-artist communities are often taught that politeness equals consent, or that nervousness is just excitement.

‘It risks framing attraction as something that men can “hack”.’

What is this doing to men and women?

‘Women have to calculate threat from men constantly — that’s an everyday reality,’ Dr Davis says.

‘Being approached repeatedly, filmed without consent, and potentially having that footage shared online adds a layer of violation beyond the immediate interaction.

‘And for some men, rejection triggers anger, which is where the risk of escalation becomes real for women.’

Violence against women and girls makes up just under 20% of all recorded crime in England and Wales, according to the 2021 government census. And, over 70% of women in the UK say they’ve experienced sexual harassment in public.

Young men are approaching and filming women for sport (Picture: Getty Images)

For men, who already struggle with isolation, a lack of male friendship and intimacy, this advice isn’t going to help solve any problems.

‘Men have often been let down by bad advice that promised confidence and connection but delivered neither,’ Dr Davies surmises.

‘This behaviour can end up deepening the very insecurities driving it, while also creating real distress for the women on the receiving end.’

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