110 Funny Coffee Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and Start Your Morning Right

Coffee.

Something more like a magic potion on many mornings that can help us to step out of that grumpy and tired morning state and into feeling like you can take on the day.

And to celebrate how coffee keeps the world going I’d like to share 110 of the most witty, inspirational and laugh out loud funny coffee quotes.

Share your favorites with fellow coffee lovers via group chats or Instagram and use them yourself in the morning or whenever you feel tired or overwhelmed for some quick laughs and stress relief.

Funny Coffee Quotes to Start Your Morning Right

“Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.”
– Nanea Hoffman

“I don’t drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.”
– Unknown

“Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.”
– J.S. Bach

“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.”
– Stephanie Piro

“Coffee, because adulting is hard.”
– Unknown

“I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.”
– Terri Guillemets

“I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.”
– Clark Gable

“Coffee first. Schemes later.”
– Leanna Renee Hieber

“Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.”
– Terri Guillemets

“May your coffee kick in before reality does.”
– Unknown

“Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.”
– Jessi Lane Adams

“My birthstone is a coffee bean.”
– Unknown

“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
– Louisa May Alcott

“I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.”
– Unknown

“Life’s too short for bad coffee.”
– Gord Downie

“Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees, and then kindness.”
– Nanea Hoffman

“My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.”
– Unknown

“Coffee which makes the politician wise, and see through all things with his half-shut eyes.”
– Alexander Pope

“Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Coffee is a language in itself.”
– Jackie Chan

“Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.”
– Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

Short and Funny Coffee Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

“Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It’s called sleeping.”
– Unknown

“What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.”
– Henry Rollins

“Seven days without coffee makes one WEAK.”
– Unknown

“Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.”
– Alphonse Allais

“Decaf? No, it’s dangerous to dilute my caffeine.”
– Unknown

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.”
– David Lynch

“I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.”
– Burt Lancaster

“You make good coffee… you’re a slob, but you make good coffee.”
– Cher

“I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.”
– Ronald Reagan

“I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”
– Jac Vanek

“I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte

“Wanna hear a joke? Decaf.”
– Unknown

“Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.”
– Unknown

“Coffee in England is just toasted milk.”
– Christopher Fry

“The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”
– Unknown

“May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.”
– Unknown

“Three cups of coffee a day keeps the doctor away!”
– Henry Rollins

“I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.”
– Jennifer Lopez

“I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.”
– John Van Druten

“I like instant gratification. It’s like instant coffee, only it won’t keep you up all night.”
– Jarod Kintz

“Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.”
– Laurell K. Hamilton

Funny Coffee Quotes for a Positive and Less Stressful Day at Work

“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.”
– Dave Barry

“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline – the first often tasting like the second.”
– Edward Abbey

“Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy.”
– Unknown

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”
– Lewis Blake

“Given enough coffee I could rule the world.”
– Unknown

“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”
– Earl Wilson

“I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.”
– Flash Rosenberg

“Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”
– David Letterman

“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”
– Sir James MacKintosh

“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.”
– Paul Erdos

“No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.'”
– Cherise Sinclair

“Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can’t even get the intern to make me coffee!”
– David Letterman

“Coffee – creative lighter fluid.”
– Floyd Maxwell

“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?”
– Jean Kerr

“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”
– Steven Wright

“The road to success is paved in coffee.”
– Unknown

“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?”
– Steven Wright

“Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee.”
– Unknown

“I’m going to start measuring the complexity of coding tasks in coffee cups. ‘This was a five-espresso algorithm.'”
– Unknown

“Politics now is rather like going into Starbucks for a coffee.”
– Rory Bremner

“Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.”
– Fran Drescher

Less Funny and More Inspirational Coffee Quotes

“Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.”
– Sheik Abd Al Kadir

“I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.'”
– Jim Carrey

“Coffee is a way of stealing time which should by rights belong to your older self.”
– Terry Pratchett

“Coffee is a balm for the heart and spirit.”
– Giuseppe Verdi

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.”
– T.S. Eliot

“He was my cream, and I was his coffee. And when you poured us together, it was something.”
– Josephine Baker

“Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.”
– Thomas Jefferson

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
– Cassandra Clare

“To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”
– Hugh Jackman

“It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.”
– Donna A. Favors

“Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.”
– Rohan Marley

“I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.”
– Abigail Reynolds

“What on Earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book and a cup of coffee?”
– Anthony Trollope

“Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself.”
– Gertrude Stein

“Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis – a good hot cup of coffee.”
– Alexander King

“Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.”
– Jonathan Swift

“Love is in the air, and it smells like coffee.”
– Unknown

“Adventure in life is good. Consistency in coffee even better.”
– Justina Headley

“We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. Trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.”
– Unknown

“The best Maxim I know in this life is, to drink your Coffee when you can, and when you cannot, to be easy without it.”
– Jonathan Swift

“No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.”
– Sheik Abd-al-Kabir

“When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.”
– Helen Hayes

Hilarious Coffee Quotes for Your Instagram and Letter Board

“Life without coffee is like something without something… sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”
– Unknown

“I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.”
– Megan Mullally

“If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”
– Unknown

“I don’t know what I’d do without coffee. I’m guessing 25 to life.”
– Unknown

“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!'”
– Conan O’Brien

“Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.”
– Unknown

“The more complicated the order, the bigger the a—hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a ‘decaf grande half soy half lowfat iced vanilla double-shot gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet ‘n Low and one Nutra Sweet’… Ooooh, you are a huge a—hole.”
– George Carlin

“Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.”
– Bill Gates

“It’s strange how drinking cups of water seems impossible, but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”
– Unknown

“To make me happy: Make me coffee, bring me coffee, be coffee…coffee.”
– Unknown

“Drinking beer in a coffee mug. I feel like I am cheating on my coffee.”
– Unknown

“Coffee make me real human. Coffee good.”
– Sandra Shea

“Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.”
– Unknown

“Just coffee. Black – like my soul.”
– Cassandra Clare

“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
– Albert Camus

“Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.”
– Unknown

“Deja Brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before.”
– Unknown

“I am a coffee fanatic. Once you go to proper coffee, you can’t go back. You cannot go back.” Hugh Laurie

“Decaffeinated coffee is like a hairless cat, it exists, but that doesn’t make it right.”
– Unknown

“Good coffee – cheaper than Prozac!”
– Unknown

“Coffee! Wait, is the planet shaking or is it just me?”
– Bob Simmons

Want more laughs and motivation for your morning? Then check out these funny good morning quotes, the hilarious work quotes here and also this one with inspirational morning quotes.