With Swalwell Resigning, Just 534 Perverts Left In Congress

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the sudden resignation of California Representative Eric Swalwell over sexual assault charges, analysts speculated that there were now just 534 perverts remaining in the United States Congress. According to political experts, there are typically 535 perverts in Congress at any given time, with 435 perverts in the House, and 100 perverts in the Senate. However, the temporary vacancy left by Swalwell's departure has left Congress with the unusual number of 534 total perverts. "This is not as many pervs as we're used to around here," said Congressional aide Tracy Johnson. "Usually, every office I walk by...