I gave birth and my husband lost interest in sex — I’ve found five men to replace him

This week’s diarist took control of her sex life postpartum (Picture: Myles Goode)

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Marina*, a 43-year-old bisexual PR executive who is in an open relationship with her husband.

They’ve been together for 14 years and have a three-year-old daughter together, but decided to open their relationship a year ago with a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ arrangement. 

‘It was my idea, I was fed up of having little to no sex with James* after our daughter was born — he was the one whose libido took a hit,’ Marina says.

James was reluctant to try an open relationship at first but came round to the idea once they agreed he wouldn’t have to hear all about Marina’s ‘exploits’.

‘Now, it makes him feel less guilty about not having sex with me, and we agree we get on much better as a result,’ she adds. ‘Currently he’s very busy with work, so he goes on the odd casual date but that’s it.’

But neither Marina or James are looking for a serious relationship with someone else.

‘I’m casually dating and as I have a much higher sex drive than James, I have around five interests at any given time. None are serious and the deal is play partners or dates only.’

This arrangement means Marina is having sex about four times a week and she enjoys ‘the thrill of multiple partners’.

‘I’d like my sex life to be less stop and start though, so I’m looking for an ongoing play partner rather than just casual encounters with lots of people,’ she adds.

So without further ado, here’s how Marina got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Thursday

I’m working in my home office which I turfed James out of last year, and making plans for the weekend, chatting to an impressive 24-year-old banker I’ve met on a female-led dating app called Chypre. 

He asked earlier in the week if he could take me out for dinner and drinks and we’ve had a few chats about what we are into sexually ahead of time. 

He likes to submit to an older woman, just as I like to dominate a younger man. We also both have a pregnancy fetish.

Right now, I’m really enjoying the MILF/younger man vibe. I find younger guys’ sexual energy better matches my libido, plus I enjoy their general enthusiasm for life.

He’s intelligent and well-mannered and I’m looking forward to meeting him on Saturday. I spend the rest of the day pitching in my role as a PR then collect my daughter from nursery, play with her, and do bedtime.

Friday 

I wake up early at 5am before my daughter to have some time to myself before I spend the day with her.

I think about texting Jamie*, a guy I’ve seen four or five times for what I consider to be some of the best sex I’ve ever had — he switches it up, but he mainly dominates me and I can climax five or six times in one evening.

But I’m getting a sinking feeling about him. I texted him on the last two occasions earlier in the week and I don’t feel like trying again. He’s looking at all my content on socials but doesn’t text.

I resolve to ignore him, even though I’m pretty hurt as I felt as though we might have been developing feelings for one another. I need to stay busy. 

It’s okay though, the arrangement with James is that we expect feelings might arise, but that we won’t act on them in a way that jeopardises our core relationship. 

Saturday

My date for Saturday night cancels on me because he’s ill. Maybe it’s a lie but that’s ok as I’d already made a back-up plan with a lovely guy I see occasionally.

He’s 15 years younger than me, warm, clever, and super kinky. I go to see a friend for a few drinks first and end up walking to his a little drunk. He volunteers to come and get me which I appreciate.

In the car, he rests his left hand on my thigh and asks genuine questions about how have I’ve been. We get back to his and have outrageous sex. He’s into BDSM and pins me to the bed consensually while he penetrates me. It’s ridiculously good.

I don’t manage to orgasm myself because of the drinking which always inhibits me, but I really enjoy myself. We have a funny chat and a lovely cuddle before I set off back to meet some more friends on the way home.

One of them is a new friend, Sam*. 6ft 3in. 26. Sparky. Gift of the gab. It becomes apparent he’s flirting with me which is a new thing, so I lean forward and kiss him.

His ex-girlfriend, who’s among the group, is annoyed by this but he doesn’t seem to notice. He asks if he can see me the next day.

Sunday

After a late night (I don’t get in until around 5am), I have a long lie-in while my husband looks after our daughter.

Sam messages asking if I want to meet him for a quiet drink that afternoon. I say yes and negotiate with my husband about going out for a couple more hours.

I’m primary carer for our daughter during the week, on Fridays all day, and in holidays when she isn’t at nursery, but I still appreciate my husband taking on the load so I can go and have yet more fun.

Sam is charming and funny and we have a lovely afternoon together chatting and frantically making out in the back of the pub where the staff leave us to it. He has to go away for work for a week and we arrange to have sex when he gets back.

I get home around 8pm. I see that Jamie has finally texted after ignoring me for five days. I leave him on read and get into bed.

Monday 

I think Monday is going to be a much-needed day of sexual rest but an ex I haven’t seen for more than a year has reappeared and invites me to a hotel in the late afternoon for a ‘reunion’.

I finish work early and head over to meet him. We have frantic ‘Hello Again’ sex, as I tell him about the other people I’ve been seeing. He enjoys this, and sets to ‘reclaiming’ me, especially with our favourite position — me sat in his lap facing him with my legs wrapped around him — and I climax really intensely. 

He doesn’t know it but I used to fake all my orgasms with him. The sex was always great but I realise I’m actually very comfortable with him, which is why I’ve been able to climax this time.

Satisfied, I leave him in the hotel after just 40 minutes and get home to do nursery pick-up and bedtime properly with my daughter, the most important part of my day.

When she’s much older, I fully intend on telling her about my open relationship. I want her to know that monogamy, which has traditionally better suited men, is not the only option, and that happy long-term relationships don’t have to necessarily take the same shape they did at the start.

Tuesday

I really am worn out from all the shenanigans and settle down to a hard work day. In the evening I spend time with James and our daughter before staying up way too late sexting more new suitors.

One, Roman*, asks if he can take me out on Saturday. I give him a provisional yes as I’m not keen to give him a Saturday night straight away, but it may also be the only thing that works this week.

I decide to finish leaving Jamie on read, and send him a cursory reply to his absolutely non-committal ‘How’s your week?’. He’s immediately prickly so I call him out for playing games and he tries to feign confusion.

I tell him it’s not cool his messages have petered out over the past couple of weeks without more direct communication, and that he’s been increasingly rude.

He pretends not to understand so I end the conversation and unfollow him on social media. These days I have way more self-esteem than I did 10 years ago, and I won’t be treated poorly.

Wednesday

Still exhausted, I invest time in some serious self-care today as I’m not working. I revive myself with a long bath, and then walk my dog, tending to texts from suitors in between.

A new guy that wants to submit sexually to me has been asking when we can meet. But neither of us can host and he isn’t prepared to pay for a hotel so that we can have a play session. So I tell him let’s leave it for a while.

Right on my cue, the ex I saw on Monday starts sending snide texts about me taking the day off. I ignore him and remember why I got rid of him the first time. Delete, block, thank u next.

I’ve never been more sexually confident and comfortable in. my own skin than since I’ve had a baby. Becoming a mum has allowed me to fully embrace my body and all it can do for me. My open relationship is making this period of my life my most sexually satisfying.

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