Help! My penis is too big for my girlfriend

It seems size does matter for some (Picture: Metro)

Bigger isn’t always better. In fact, research suggests most women prefer an average-size penis.

That news might be reassuring to some men, but it doesn’t much help this week’s Sex Column reader, Tom*, who’s struggling to have penetrative sex with his girlfriend.

Read the advice below, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, where a reader discovered she was pregnant with a casual fling’s baby.

The problem:

You probably don’t get many letters like this and to be honest, I’ve taken a long time getting round to emailing you.

Anyway, here goes. It’s hard to find a polite way of saying this, but … well, I’m quite well built down below and it’s turning out to be a problem.

Most of my mates (who’ve seen me in the changing rooms over the years) think it’s hilarious and I have various nicknames I won’t share.

I’m only 19 so haven’t had loads of girlfriends, but I do like the one I’m with now, who I’ve been seeing since March. Everything seemed great at first, but after the first few months I started noticing that she was avoiding having ‘proper’ sex with me. She seemed happy to do just about everything else, and personality-wise we’ve always got on great, so I never felt she wanted to end the relationship or anything.

Eventually I asked her what was wrong, and she admitted that she finds intercourse uncomfortable and has only been pretending to enjoy it. She said that even when we do have penetrative sex, she just wants it to be over asap.

We get on really well in every other way, and she was full of apologies as she said she realises it’s not my fault or an issue I can do anything about.

Now I’m feeling really paranoid about the relationship and wonder how long she’ll put up with me.

The advice:

You’re right, it’s not a problem I hear about very often; in fact, I’m more likely to hear from guys who wish they had an extra centimetre or two. It’s ironic that the very thing most men want, turns out to be a difficulty for you.

But I disagree when you say you can’t do anything about it – true, you can’t do much about your size, but you can make love in different ways that might be more comfortable for your girlfriend.

Part of the issue is that she now feels anxious, which prevents her from becoming fully aroused. As a result, sex is even more painful and it sounds as though a vicious circle has been created.

Break this cycle by being more aware of how your girlfriend is feeling when you make love to her. Adopt a gentler approach and experiment with different positions that stop penetration being too deep. Use plenty of lube, at least in the short term, until she starts to relax about sex and her own body takes over.

There are also certain sex toys on the market that will stop full penetration, so you may want to check out that option, too.

Remember that women’s bodies are designed to allow a baby to pass through, so you should be able to solve this problem and have the relationship the two of you obviously want.

Like most difficulties, sexual or otherwise, this can be resolved if you both really want a positive outcome and are willing to play your part.

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