Experts Say This Common Behaviour Is The Chicken Way Out Of A Friendship

Friendship breakups are the worst. They hurt just as much as a romantic breakup, and sometimes, even more.

As someone who’s been through a ton of friend breakups, I can tell you that the pain never really goes away. Certain platonic relationships have a special level of intimacy that usually can’t be matched by a romantic partner. I mean, I still mourn ex-friendships from 15 years ago. Ex-boyfriends? Hardly.

That’s weird, right? Not at all, according to relationship experts.

“Some friendships can feel even deeper than your blood family — especially when you’re not close to blood family,” explained Angelika Koch, relationships and breakup expert at Taimi, an LGBTQ+ dating app. “This can add a layer of complexity when it comes to walking away from a friendship that no longer serves you.”

“Breaking up with a friend can feel more complicated than ending a romantic relationship because we don’t have the same cultural scripts or language for it,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Saba Harouni Lurie, the owner and founder of Take Root Therapy. “With romantic relationships, we understand that sometimes people aren’t compatible or that feelings change, but with friendships, there’s often an expectation that they should last forever or only end due to major betrayals.”

Why More Of Us Are Ghosting

One similarity between friendship breakups and romantic breakups is the upward trend of ghosting, that is, the practice of abruptly ending communication without explanation.

“‘Ghosting’ — as we understand it in 2025 — has increased in frequency over the past decades, likely due to the integration of social apps into everyday life and shifts in communication norms,” said Morgan Cope, assistant professor of psychology at Centre College and an expert on interpersonal relationships. “Around 13% of people report having ghosted someone in the past, and 23% report having been ghosted in the context of romantic relationships.”

“We started to see a shift [in ghosting] after the pandemic in friendships as well as relationships, where people have become more protective of their peace,” Koch said. “The pandemic caused everyone to face their mortality, which caused many people to become protective of their own energy.”

But it’s what Harouni Lurie told HuffPost that I believe encapsulates the root problem behind ghosting: “Unfortunately, most people are not well-versed in having difficult and honest conversations, and may elect to ghost a friend instead of trying to understand if the relationship can grow and change.”

I can relate to what these experts are saying, because even though I’ve been on the receiving end of a ghosted friendship multiple times, I found myself ghosting several friends over the past five years for exactly the reasons Koch highlighted.

I know the sorrow of being discarded by someone I thought was my ride-or-die, so why would I ever engage in the same insensitive behaviour I’ve rebuked for years? Wild as it sounds, I genuinely believed both parties would avoid further heartache if I just cut and ran (or rather, hit that block button). After all, isn’t it easier to hide behind a block button? Or to just leave those texts on read indefinitely?

Turns out I was wrong: While ghosting a friend may feel like a more “gentle” way to break up in the heat of the moment — you avoid a messy argument and potentially hurtful words — it’s not the healthiest approach in the long run. 

Ghosting Isn’t A Gentle Way Out Of A Friendship

“Ghosting is cruel when the other person is still reaching out and uncertain about what’s happening,” Rose from New Orleans, who asked to use just her first name to protect her privacy, told HuffPost. “I don’t think it’s gentle — I think it’s callous and cowardly.” 

Rose knows the agony of being ghosted all too well. She endured a devastating breakup where she was ghosted by not one but two friends. “I was absolutely gutted by the situation,” she said. “Not just the rejection and abandonment, but the way they closed ranks to keep me out. It was probably the most painful friend breakup I ever experienced.”

If you’re contemplating ghosting a friend you no longer vibe with, you may want to take Rose’s story into consideration first. “Many people have a deep fear of hurting others and move through life trying to cause as little harm as possible,” acknowledged Koch.

But abruptly tossing someone aside comes with significant consequences. “To many people, ghosting — which is a passive way to leave a relationship — feels like a gentle breakup,” Koch continued. “Unfortunately, this can cause confusion and a lack of closure on the end of the friend who is being ghosted.”

“We mustn’t confuse niceness (not having to tell someone you don’t want to see them anymore) for kindness (providing a clear rationale and explaining your feelings) when it comes to ending a relationship,” added Cope.

We Can Blame The Tech (At Least A Little Bit)

I’ll be the first to admit that social media has made me far more comfortable ghosting friends than it should. To be clear — and this is in no way an excuse — the people I’ve ghosted were mainly social media and/or online friends. Since we never saw each other in real life and were interacting primarily through Instagram DMs and texts, it was all too simple to hit that block button. 

“I do think social media block buttons have made it easier for some people to cut ties on their end and move on,” agreed Rose, though that doesn’t mean she supports the practice. “With friends from offline, or online friends you’ve got a real built-up history with, I don’t think ‘block and move on’ is the best way to deal with conflict.”

“While we probably have a lot of work to do around learning to communicate,” Harouni Lurie said, “technology has likely exacerbated our problems.”

“With texting, it can be really easy to misunderstand someone and to lose nuance in a conversation,” she continued. 

Guilty as charged: Even though I was raised on the art of chatting on the phone for hours on end, I’ve spent the past decade-plus ditching direct conversation with friends and relying almost entirely on texts. 

Perhaps, given the potential for misunderstanding, we should reconsider the lost art of phone calls (scheduled only, please!).  

Ending A Friendship Respectfully

Although ghosting isn’t a kind way to end a friendship, it’s OK to walk away from certain friends if you feel the relationship isn’t working anymore. 

Honesty is the best policy, if that’s the case.

“If you’re the one ending the relationship, having a difficult conversation about the friendship and why it’s not working can afford you the opportunity to practice being honest and authentic, to advocate for yourself, and to have compassion for yourself and for your friend,” Harouni Lurie said. 

She also reiterated that while it’s “challenging,” it’s “not impossible to end a friendship amicably.” Harouni Lurie advised approaching the discussion “with compassion, and respect for both your needs and theirs.” Start by acknowledging the good parts of your friendship and what you’ve appreciated about this person. Then, you can share your feelings about why you don’t think you’re compatible anymore. 

“Being specific about what isn’t working can be helpful,” continued Harouni Lurie, but it’s important to “focus on your own experience rather than making it about their flaws.” Even though you may be frustrated with your estranged friend’s inability to understand anything about your life (it’s me, hi!), this is not the time to air those grievances.

Some examples Harouni Lurie offered are less critical of your friend and more of an emphasis on what you need:

After you’ve explained your reasons, Cope recommended giving your friend the courtesy to respond to your breakup decision.

“These conversations will not be easy,” she warned. “Our brains are motivated to establish and maintain social relationships to help us stay alive and thriving. But when we need to, we can end relationships and friendships in a way that prioritises everyone’s dignity and well-being.”