An Expert Guide To Postpartum Sex And The Best Sex Toys For New Parents

You might be thinking: I’ve just had a f*cking baby, sex is the last thing I want to be thinking about right now. Or you could be thinking the opposite.

Either way, your path back to having sex after birth is completely your own. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. 

But if you have questions, we’ve asked sex and relationships therapist Georgina Vass everything you need to know about starting to have sex again as new parents. 

How soon is too soon?

While the NHS has little to no guidance on how long to wait until you can have sex after birth, around four to six weeks is a good benchmark.w

“Guidance varies, but for most births six weeks tends to be the recommendation of when one can medically return to penetrative sexual activity,” she says. “However, having the desire or feeling physically or emotionally ready to resume sexual activity may take much longer than six weeks.”

Research by Lovehoney last year found that 83% of women experience changes in their sexual function postpartum, including pain, libido drops, and body image concerns. 

How will sex change after birth?

Naturally, these changes – not to mention the stress and fatigue of being responsible for a new life – can cause new parents to have less frequent sex. 

“It usually requires more planning compared with before becoming parents,” Vass explains.

“Not only do some couples need to identify a time when they can both be available, but the logistics and changes in physical space may disrupt or diminish their capacity for private time.”

Intimacy is likely to look different when your little one arrives, which can take time to adjust to.

“Another common challenge is grappling with the shift in identity from parents/providers during the day to romantic partners in the bedroom, and this can take time to adjust to,” adds Vass.

How to explore sex again as new parents

However, intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to mean penetrative sex, or even sexual touching. 

“Open communication about your desires, compassion for yourself and your partner, and prioritising time together as a couple are all important,” Vass advises. 

“Invest in your relationship with your partner, whether that’s through arranging pressure relieving childcare, enjoying time as a couple on date nights or embracing forms of non-sexual intimacy like cuddling on the couch uninterrupted for an hour.”

When you’re ready to explore sex again, foreplay will be your best friend, says Vass.

“Once things become physical, enjoy generous foreplay or outercourse to re-familiarise yourselves with your bodies, gain comfort, and increase arousal,” she says.

“Moving slowly whether through prolonged foreplay or shallow and gentle penetration may be helpful to avoid discomfort. Using water-based lubrication may help with dryness, which can be common for new mothers.”

While it might take time for your sex life to feel normal again, remember: change is normal. “Becoming a parent has an impact on your body, and things may feel or look different to how they did before, but this time in your life is temporary and things are likely to change over time,” says Vass.

“Take the opportunity to discuss any concerns or questions with your medical provider, they may have useful information or helpful resources.”

Can I use sex toys after birth?

Just as intimacy with a partner will feel different, mothers could experience a changing relationship with their body. Masturbating or using a sex toy could help to reconnect.

“Sex toys can be used to reconnect with your body on your terms and explore new sensations,” says Vass.

“High-quality clean toys may work well for new mothers. Read reviews, check the materials of the toys, clean them thoroughly before use, go slowly and enjoy!”

Best sex toys for new parents to shop

If you’re thinking about exploring sex for the first time after birth, here are some of the best sex toys, lubes, salves, and toys to try.