After Failed Assassination, Democrats Observe Customary 5-Minute Pause On Calling Trump 'Hitler'

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a the wake of yet another failed assassination attempt against President Trump, leading Democrats across the nation announced they would observe the long-standing tradition of a five-minute pause in calling Trump "literally Hitler". "This is a time for healing, reflection, and lowering the temperature. Specifically, five minutes' time," said Representative Hakeem Jeffries. "Ugh, this five minutes is killing me. Has it really only been thirty seconds? Time passes so slowly when you're not calling someone Hitler." The coordinated pause began immediately after politicians had finished copying and pasting their public statements from the last assassination attempt...