45 Funny October Quotes: Hilarious and Sarcastic Sayings That Will Make You Smile

October is here with lots of leaves in all kinds of colors, cozy sweaters and endless cups of warm tea or cocoa.

But it’s also a time when life can feel a bit overwhelming, when the days grow shorter and rain and wind can spoil the evenings and nights.

So to lighten the mood and help you release a bit of stress I’d like to share 45 of the most witty, positive, sarcastic and funny October quotes.

I hope you’ll find something here to make this a fun month and your Halloween a happy celebration.

Funny October Quotes That Will Make You Smile

“Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter.”
– Carol Bishop Hipps

“During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open-minded.”
– Unknown

“Some say fall is the season when the leaves change. I say it’s the season when my sweat pants never change.”
– Katie Nicole Felton

“I long for the days of pumpkins and ghosts; when the dead use homes and people as hosts.”
– E. Reyes

“If you’re ever wondering what to wear, just dress like a pumpkin, you’re good to go.”
– Devendra Banhart

“October was always the least dependable of months… full of ghosts and shadows.”
– Joy Fielding

“I wish that every day was Saturday and every month was October.”
– Charmaine J. Forde

“Chicago is an October sort of city, even in spring.”
– Nelson Algren

“October proved a riot to the senses and climaxed those giddy last weeks before Halloween.”
– Keith Donohue

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
– Lucy Maud Montgomery

“I have been younger in October than in all the months of spring.”
– W.S. Merwin

“It’s like summer wear the world out, and by October everyone is just ready for a nap.”
– Ta-Nehisi Coates

Funny and Sarcastic October Quotes for a Happy Halloween

“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.'”
– Rita Rudner

“Halloween is right around the corner. You can tell because all the stores are decked out for Christmas.”
– Stephen Colbert

“I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me?'”
– Drew Carey

“A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality.”
– Lucy Van Pelt

“I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.”
– Wednesday Addams

“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“As a kid, Halloween was amazing. You dress like a superhero, you bang on your neighbor’s door and they give you candy. I do that today and my neighbor wants me arrested.”
– Jim Gaffigan

“This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.”
– Conan O’Brien

“Halloween is the only time people can become what they want to be without getting fired.”
– Sylvester Stallone

“If you want to scare your boyfriend next Halloween, come dressed as what he fears most. Commitment.”
– Peter Nelson

“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.”
– Douglas Copeland

“It’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus.”
– Max (from the movie Hocus Pocus)

“Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.”
– Mason Cooley

“I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.”
– Wednesday Addams

“Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?”
– Linus (from the movie It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown)

“It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.”
– Brackett (from the movie Halloween)

“Every October I’m kidnapped and forced to scare birds at a local pumpkin patch.”
– Conan O’Brien

“The farther we’ve gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we’ve come to need Halloween.”
– Paula Guran

“Kinda spooky that Halloween has never fallen on Friday the 13th.”
– Stephen Colbert

Witty and Hilarious October Quotes for a Fun Fall

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion.”
– Henry David Thoreau

“For anyone who lives in the oak-and-maple area of New England, there is a perennial temptation to plunge into a purple sea of adjectives about October.”
– Hal Borland

“Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.”
– Doug Larson

“It’s the first day of autumn! A time of hot chocolatey mornings, and toasty marshmallow evenings, and, best of all, leaping into leaves!”
– Winnie the Pooh

“My Halloween costume was so bad that people opened their doors and took candy from me.”
– Glen Nesbit

“Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter’s pretty lousy, but I hate Spring.”
– Dorothy Parker

“The autumn wind is a pirate. Blustering in from sea with a rollicking song he sweeps along swaggering boisterously.”
– Steve Sabol

“In autumn, don’t go to jewelers to see gold; go to the parks!”
– Mehmet Murat Ildan

“It’s like going back to school. You know, autumn! Time for ‘Harry Potter’.”
– Robbie Coltrane

“Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the ‘spirits’ of things.”
– Dee Snider

“October gave a party; The leaves by hundreds came, The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples, And leaves of every name. The Sunshine spread a carpet, And everything was grand, Miss Weather led the dancing, Professor Wind the band.”
– George Cooper

“Anyone could see that the wind was a special wind this night, and the darkness took on a special feel because it was All Hallows’ Eve.”
– Ray Bradbury

“Falling for autumn and not getting up.”
– Unknown

“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.”
– Tim Burton

Want more inspiration for a fun and happy fall? Then have a look at these short October quotes, the funny Halloween quotes in this post and also these inspirational October quotes. Plus, these funny fall quotes.